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Страхът от края

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Страхът от края
Да, страх! Но страх не от нещо друго, а от края на кърменето. Виждам го, макар и в далечината, и не мога да повярвам, че ще се случи. Не мога  и не искам да мисля, че моето дете няма да суче от гърдите ми, че няма да ме гушка, да заспива на тях или да се изправя рошав с капки кърма по устните! Не мога да повярвам, че ще дойде мигът, в който той няма да ме потърси през нощта, да хване гърдата и да отвори устни, очаквайки да засуче. Как ще се събуди сутрин и няма да ме потърси, за да засуче отново лакомо. Как ще се успокои, когато е уплашен?! Как ще си играе с косата ми, ще ме подърпва или потупва по лицето, ще ме гали и ще се гушика на топло, докато се кърми?! Какво ще прави той, или по-точно какво ще правя аз?! Да, детето ми расте и благодаря на Бога за това. Но, връщайки се назад, още в самото начало, и проследявайки целия процес – това беше начин на живот! Живот, който ми харесваше, макар и понякога труден, макар и вечно миришеща на мляко или непрекъснато перяща петна от кърма, аз чувствах детето си винаги до мен! Сега то расте, а аз с ужас осъзнавам, че още от тази невръстна детска възраст започва лека полека, стъпка по стъпка отделянето на детето от майката, докато не дойде онзи момент, когато с прошарени коси и свободно отпуснати ръце в скута стоиш сама и чакаш някой да те потърси! Да ще мине време, но... кога започнахме да се кърмим и вече сме накрая, така и неусетно ще сме сами. Този край на кърменето всъщност е едно начало – началото на отделянето на детето от майката. Първата  самостоятелна стъпка в живота на моето дете! И първата огромна, горчива сълза в очите на неговата майка! Не вярвах, че ще е толкова трудно и толкова болезнено, но едно е сигурно – обичам детето си повече от всичко на света и щом това е естественият начин на нещата, ще започна да преглъщам горчилките на живота и ще му дам пълна свобода като тайно се надявам, че с кърменето съм започнала възпитанието на едно силно, здраво, интелигентно и борещо се създание, което ще намира време да целуне прошарените коси на своята майка.

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